Warning, Warning Will Robinson! Beware of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (2016)

I just finished watching this movie and was utterly appalled. I cared not a whit for the main characters, nor for the magical Nazis who apparently pass for mages in New York City. The movie has a lot of special effects, none of which I even cared about. It made me nostalgic for the old Harryhausen effects. Yes, they look cheesy now (they were cutting edge back then), but even cheesy they had a personality, a sense of character, that made one care about them. Not these beasts. In this one, there’s a horny rhino that takes up way too much time, a size-changing snake that apparently can’t figure out that teapot has a spout, and a bunch of other critters I cared even less about. I won’t go into all the other stuff that left me cold, in case you actually want to watch this. You shouldn’t, but I know you probably will. And then you’ll understand too. Below are just some of the VERY forgettable characters in this movie. Please note the huge horde of trenchcoated magical Nazis in the background.

The forgettable leads, and their troupe of magical Nazis

The one thing is was worthwhile were Jacob and Queenie, the two support characters. If they had just gotten rid of the stereotypical bad guys, the idiot hero, the pointless heroine, and every other magician in the city (all of whom are apparently heartless bastards), these two could have had a great movie. As it was, I’m obliviating the rest of the movie from my brain as best I can, and trying to remember this movie as a love story between two very sweet characters. Thanks to Dan Fogler and Alison Sudol for playing Jacob Kowalski and Queenie, two very UNforgettable characters.

Queenie & Jacob, two loveable characters

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About lostdelights

An old gamer flying his freak flag, I've been playing table-top role-playing games since 1978. I've been building my own system (Journeyman) since 1981.
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